Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
