I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
