that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
