I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
