My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
