hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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