That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
