Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
