he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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