dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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