I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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