I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
