Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I came so hard my ears popped.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
