You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
