it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
