I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
