Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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