Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
