Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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