Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Who did Billy Mays play for?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
