Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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