In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
