i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
