I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
