i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
