Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
