Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
