THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
