This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
