He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
