i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
