If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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