Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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