I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
