I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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