There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
