oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
