i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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