So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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