3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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