found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
