Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
