We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
