I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
