So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize