Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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