I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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