did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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