Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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