Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize