Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
