You're so nebulous sometimes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize