Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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