My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
