Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
