I wish I only lived at night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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