Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
