Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
