I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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