I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
