wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
