moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
