SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
