My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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